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What happens when you ask a Vulcan to run the entertainment at a party?


On First Contact Day, the crew of the USS Enterprise is celebrating the holiday with a party. The captain has asked Lieutenant Hemmer to emcee the event, and while raising his glass and making a toast to the partygoers, he complains that the captain must believe that engineering is immune to problems whenever a party is going on. He goes on to state that they are celebrating the first meeting between Humans and Vulcans, and since he's neither, he decides to turn the party over to Spock, who he has asked to run the night's entertainment.

Spock then approaches and thanks him, telling him it's a duty he doesn't take lightly. Hemmer doesn't seem to really care however, and he orders someone to give him a drink. Spock then begins to say that he thinks the best entertainment is meditating to eradicate one's emotions, but he understands that it is logical to offer entertainment that the majority prefers, even something as unpalatable as comedy.

He begins his comedy show with an old fashioned film known as a "blooper reel," which consists of videos of major bloopers among Starfleet officers, especially the crew of the Enterprise. He plays the first video, which shows a terrible transporter accident in which a man was beamed onto the transporter pad, but his legs didn't materialize, causing him to fall to the transporter platform and spill out his intestines while screaming in agony. The crew is not amused by this blooper. It is too graphic and disturbing, not to mention too close to home, as Hemmer was actually in the video, screaming "No!" at the terrible scene.

Spock notices the crew's reaction to the video and is surprised, since he thought they would think it was humorous because the victim normally had legs. Because the crew didn't erupt into laughter, he realizes that he should probably skip the next few videos, as they were very similar. He tells the computer to roll clip number seven. The screen then shows the surface of Vulcan, near the city of ShiKahr, where T'Pring is dumping Spock for Karmu, and she tells Spock that she doesn't love him. Tears well-up in Spock's eyes as she walks away. As the party attendees watch this, they are saddened by what they see, which causes some of them to cry rather than laugh. Spock tells them it's funny because it's self-depricating. He even has tears in his eyes when he tells them "I am shattered by this." He then forces laughter. No one else laughs at all. Nurse Chapel even wipes a tear from her eye with her finger. Spock tells them she dumped him a number of times, and he could show them all those videos as well, but he gets no positive feedback from anyone, so he decides to play clip number fifteen. This video shows the Battle of the Binary Stars, or more specifically when a Klingon ship collided with the USS Europa. The video shows the reaction of the USS Shenzhou's crew. Saru then places his hand on his chest and says "A moment of silence, for six-thousand Federation souls lost." Suddenly the screen shows an "in memoriam" scene, with very upbeat and joyful music playing in the background.

One of the female crewmembers leaves the party, running off and crying like a little girl. Spock then says "Big, big blooper." Uhura then tells Spock that a film that's suppose to be a blooper reel shouldn't ever have an in memoriam. Then a redshirt at the party tells Spock that his uncle died on that ship. Spock then says, "if small misfortunes are funny, bigger misfortunes should illicit bigger laughs. That is quite logical." Uhura contradicts him, telling him that bloopers shouldn't involve death, but little funny things, such as a person slamming into a door that failed to swoosh open, or someone accidentally pronouncing Spock's name as "Spork." This comment causes Hemmer to chuckle, giving Spock an idea.

He tells the computer to roll one final clip. This video shows an ensign who is desperately trying to get to the toilet before he poops his pants. He runs quickly down a corridor, trying to reach the nearest bathroom, but he is unaware that the floor had just been mopped until it is too late. He then slips, hurting his genitals and farting in the process. Spock then tells the crew that this video had a crewmember get hurt and even fart, but he didn't die. He then asks if that was funny. Uhura told him it was "perfect." Spock then picks up a mop and says to Hemmer "In that case, come here lieutenant; live blooper." Hemmer then backs off and says, "Spock!"

Later, a photograph is taken of Spock chasing Hemmer with a mop. The caption on the photo says: "Happy First Contact Day from the USS Enterprise!"

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Aenar; blooper; blooper reel; cadet; captain; clip; comedy; commander; computer; Constitution-class; crying; door; drink; emcee; emotion; ensign; Enterprise, USS; Europa, USS; farting; First Contact Day; genitals; Human; hybrid; "in memoriam"; intestines; Karmu; Kelpien; Klingon cleave ship; laughter; lieutenant; marriage; mop; Nimitz-class; nurse; operations lieutenant's uncle; party hat; Shenzhou, USS; souls; space diarrhea; spork; Starfleet; Starfleet casualties; Starfleet uniform (2250s-early 2270s); Starfleet uniform (32nd century); Starfleet uniform (late 2230s-2250s); toast; transporter accident; uncle; Vulcan; wet floor sign

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Star Trek: very Short Treks
Season 1
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